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# Lessons from Kevin Simler
- URL: https://www.antoinebuteau.com/lessons-from-kevin-simler/
- Published: 2026-06-30T17:26:27.000Z
- Updated: 2026-07-18T21:41:11.000Z
- Description: Kevin Simler, a writer and technologist, investigates the hidden motives behind human behavior. Through Melting Asphalt and The Elephant in the Brain, he explores how concealed selfish drives, irrational beliefs, and self-deception help people navigate social hierarchies.
- Author: Antoine Buteau
- Tags: Profile, Personal Development & Psychology Profiles

![Visual summary of operating lessons from Kevin Simler.](https://www.antoinebuteau.com/content/images/2026/06/lessons-from-kevin-simler-profile-infographic.webp)

## Lessons from Kevin Simler

Writer and technologist Kevin Simler investigates the hidden motives behind human behavior. Through his blog *Melting Asphalt* and the co-authored book *The Elephant in the Brain*, he argues that our minds deliberately conceal selfish drives to help us succeed socially. This profile collects his observations on why people adopt irrational beliefs and rely on self-deception to navigate hierarchies.

### Part 1: Hidden Motives and Self-Deception

1. **On hidden motives:** "Our brains are built to act in our self-interest while at the same time trying hard not to appear selfish in front of other people." — [*Source: The Elephant in the Brain*](https://nateliason.com/notes/elephant-in-brain?ref=antoinebuteau.com)
2. **On conscious ignorance:** "In order to throw them off the trail, our brains often keep 'us,' our conscious minds, in the dark." — [*Source: The Elephant in the Brain*](https://nateliason.com/notes/elephant-in-brain?ref=antoinebuteau.com)
3. **On concealing ugly motives:** "The less we know of our own ugly motives, the easier they are to hide from others." — [*Source: The Elephant in the Brain*](https://cameronchardukian.com/?ref=antoinebuteau.com)
4. **On strategic self-deception:** "Self-deception is therefore strategic, a ploy our brains use to look good while behaving badly." — [*Source: The Elephant in the Brain*](https://nateliason.com/notes/elephant-in-brain?ref=antoinebuteau.com)
5. **On convincing others:** "Often the best way to convince others that we believe something is to actually believe it." — [*Source: The Elephant in the Brain*](https://cameronchardukian.com/?ref=antoinebuteau.com)
6. **On sabotaging information:** "Our minds are built to sabotage information in order to come out ahead in social games." — [*Source: Melting Asphalt*](https://quotefancy.com/?ref=antoinebuteau.com)
7. **On calculating behavior:** "When big parts of our minds are unaware of how we try to violate social norms, it's more difficult for others to detect and prosecute those violations." — [*Source: Melting Asphalt*](https://quotefancy.com/?ref=antoinebuteau.com)
8. **On the trade-off of ignorance:** "This also makes it harder for us to calculate optimal behaviors, but overall, the trade-off is worth it." — [*Source: Melting Asphalt*](https://quotefancy.com/?ref=antoinebuteau.com)
9. **On confronting the elephant:** "It's only by confronting the elephant, then, that we can begin to see what's really going on." — [*Source: The Elephant in the Brain*](https://manassaloi.com/?ref=antoinebuteau.com)
10. **On the importance of our motives:** "Of all the things we might be self-deceived about, the most important are our own motives." — [*Source: Melting Asphalt*](https://quotefancy.com/?ref=antoinebuteau.com)

### Part 2: Status, Prestige, and Social Games

1. **On the nature of prestige:** "Another way to think about prestige is that it's your 'price' on the market for friendship and association." — [*Source: The Elephant in the Brain*](https://jonosanders.com/?ref=antoinebuteau.com)
2. **On the mating market analogy:** "Just as sexual attractiveness is our 'price' on the mating market, prestige is our price on the friendship market." — [*Source: The Elephant in the Brain*](https://sive.rs/?ref=antoinebuteau.com)
3. **On philanthropy as a signal:** "When we donate to a good cause, it 'says' to our associates, 'Look, I'm willing to spend my resources for the benefit of others.'" — [*Source: The Elephant in the Brain*](https://goodreads.com/?ref=antoinebuteau.com)
4. **On cooperative games:** "I'm playing a positive-sum, cooperative game with society." — [*Source: The Elephant in the Brain*](https://goodreads.com/?ref=antoinebuteau.com)
5. **On leadership selection:** "No one wants leaders who play zero-sum, competitive games with the rest of society." — [*Source: The Elephant in the Brain*](https://goodreads.com/?ref=antoinebuteau.com)
6. **On prosocial orientation:** "Instead we want leaders with a prosocial orientation, people who will look out for us because we're all in it together." — [*Source: The Elephant in the Brain*](https://goodreads.com/?ref=antoinebuteau.com)
7. **On admiration:** "On the low-status side, we have admiration: celebrating or fawning over a prestigious individual, i.e., paying respect." — [*Source: Melting Asphalt*](https://glasp.co/?ref=antoinebuteau.com)
8. **On posing as insiders:** "We pose as a privileged insider, when in fact we're often making the same kind of educated guesses that any informed outsider could make." — [*Source: The Elephant in the Brain*](https://jonosanders.com/?ref=antoinebuteau.com)
9. **On the illusion of control:** "We pretend we're in charge, both to others and even to ourselves, but we're less in charge than we think." — [*Source: The Elephant in the Brain*](https://jonosanders.com/?ref=antoinebuteau.com)
10. **On social status:** "Status operates as a complex web of mutual evaluations where we constantly appraise our value relative to others, rather than operating strictly as a hierarchy of dominance." — [*Source: Melting Asphalt*](https://meltingasphalt.com/?ref=antoinebuteau.com)

### Part 3: Belief Systems and Crony Beliefs

1. **On the function of beliefs:** "Beliefs are representations that make up our brain's internal map or model of the world." — [*Source: Melting Asphalt*](https://meltingasphalt.com/?ref=antoinebuteau.com)
2. **On the truth of beliefs:** "Beliefs aren't always true, of course, but what's important is that we treat them as though they were true." — [*Source: Melting Asphalt*](https://meltingasphalt.com/?ref=antoinebuteau.com)
3. **On merit beliefs:** "Merit beliefs are 'hired' by the mind for their accuracy, helping humans navigate the world effectively." — [*Source: LessWrong*](https://lesswrong.com/?ref=antoinebuteau.com)
4. **On the reward of merit beliefs:** "The reward of holding a merit belief is the practical benefit of making accurate decisions in reality." — [*Source: Deric Bownds' MindBlog*](https://dericbownds.net/?ref=antoinebuteau.com)
5. **On crony beliefs:** "Crony beliefs are 'hired' for the social and political 'kickbacks' they provide rather than their truth value." — [*Source: LessWrong*](https://lesswrong.com/?ref=antoinebuteau.com)
6. **On adopting irrational views:** "Humans adopt these beliefs because they help signal group identity, regardless of whether they are factually true." — [*Source: Medium*](https://medium.com/?ref=antoinebuteau.com)
7. **On signaling allegiance:** "The primary function of a crony belief is to gain status or strengthen alliances with specific social groups." — [*Source: Deric Bownds' MindBlog*](https://dericbownds.net/?ref=antoinebuteau.com)
8. **On the brain's balancing act:** "The brain balances the desire for accurate models of the world with the desire for social acceptance." — [*Source: Deric Bownds' MindBlog*](https://dericbownds.net/?ref=antoinebuteau.com)
9. **On the inside vs. outside view:** "This framework explains why a person's own views feel sensible and objective while the views of outsiders appear blatantly nonsensical." — [*Source: Read Something Great*](https://readsomethinggreat.com/?ref=antoinebuteau.com)

### Part 4: Institutions, Education, and Society

1. **On the religious elephant:** "This is the religious elephant in the brain: We don't worship simply because we believe." — [*Source: The Elephant in the Brain*](https://goodreads.com/?ref=antoinebuteau.com)
2. **On religion as a social tool:** "Instead, we worship (and believe) because it helps us as social creatures." — [*Source: The Elephant in the Brain*](https://goodreads.com/?ref=antoinebuteau.com)
3. **On the purpose of education:** "Education isn't just about learning; it's largely about getting graded, ranked, and credentialed." — [*Source: The Elephant in the Brain*](https://sive.rs/?ref=antoinebuteau.com)
4. **On school as a stamp of approval:** "Schools function to stamp students for the approval of employers rather than purely imparting knowledge." — [*Source: The Elephant in the Brain*](https://nateliason.com/notes/elephant-in-brain?ref=antoinebuteau.com)
5. **On the casualty of learning:** "And while there are many social and economic benefits to this enterprise, one of the first casualties is learning." — [*Source: Melting Asphalt*](https://quotefancy.com/?ref=antoinebuteau.com)
6. **On breaking the forager spirit:** "Schools have to break our forager spirits and train us to submit to our place in a modern hierarchy." — [*Source: Melting Asphalt*](https://quotefancy.com/?ref=antoinebuteau.com)
7. **On preparing for the workplace:** "Schools help prepare us for the modern workplace and society, but at a severe psychological cost to our natural curiosity." — [*Source: Melting Asphalt*](https://quotefancy.com/?ref=antoinebuteau.com)
8. **On modern instruction:** "As Albert Einstein lamented, 'It is... nothing short of a miracle that modern methods of instruction have not yet entirely strangled the holy curiosity of inquiry.'" — [*Source: The Elephant in the Brain*](https://goodreads.com/?ref=antoinebuteau.com)
9. **On medicine as conspicuous care:** "Much of healthcare spending is driven by a desire to show that we care for our loved ones rather than to strictly improve health outcomes." — [*Source: The Elephant in the Brain*](https://sive.rs/?ref=antoinebuteau.com)

### Part 5: Identity, Masks, and Culture

1. **On wearing masks:** "Wear a mask long enough and it becomes your face." — [*Source: Melting Asphalt*](https://quotefancy.com/?ref=antoinebuteau.com)
2. **On playing roles:** "Play a role long enough and it becomes who you are." — [*Source: Melting Asphalt*](https://quotefancy.com/?ref=antoinebuteau.com)
3. **On pretending:** "Spend enough time pretending something is true and you might as well believe it." — [*Source: Melting Asphalt*](https://quotefancy.com/?ref=antoinebuteau.com)
4. **On conspiracy theories:** "The conspiracy theory is an active, creative art form." — [*Source: Melting Asphalt*](https://meltingasphalt.com/?ref=antoinebuteau.com)
5. **On truth claims in conspiracies:** "A conspiracy theory's truth claims serve as formal obstructions rather than being the primary point of the endeavor." — [*Source: Melting Asphalt*](https://meltingasphalt.com/?ref=antoinebuteau.com)
6. **On cultural norms:** "Social norms exist to constrain the behavior of others while we secretly look for ways to violate them for personal gain." — [*Source: The Elephant in the Brain*](https://nateliason.com/notes/elephant-in-brain?ref=antoinebuteau.com)
7. **On the social function of art:** "Art serves as a way to signal biological fitness, intelligence, and access to excess resources." — [*Source: The Elephant in the Brain*](https://cameronchardukian.com/?ref=antoinebuteau.com)
8. **On human creativity:** "Simler argues that much human beauty and art can be understood as a prestige game in which people compete for the attention and affection of others." — [*Reference: A Natural History of Beauty*](https://meltingasphalt.com/a-natural-history-of-beauty/?ref=antoinebuteau.com)
9. **On the persistence of identity:** "Human identities are largely shaped by the roles we perform for our social audiences." — [*Source: Melting Asphalt*](https://meltingasphalt.com/?ref=antoinebuteau.com)

### Part 6: Communication, Signaling, and Body Language

1. **On lying with words:** "It's simply too easy, too tempting, to lie with words." — [*Source: The Elephant in the Brain*](https://goodreads.com/?ref=antoinebuteau.com)
2. **On body language:** "So in matters of life, death, and finding mates, we're often wise to shut up and let our bodies do the talking." — [*Source: The Elephant in the Brain*](https://goodreads.com/?ref=antoinebuteau.com)
3. **On nonverbal signals:** "Nonverbal communication is often more reliable because it is harder to consciously fake than spoken language." — [*Source: The Elephant in the Brain*](https://sive.rs/?ref=antoinebuteau.com)
4. **On everyday conversation:** "Most conversation exists to demonstrate intelligence and social value rather than to exchange literal information." — [*Source: The Elephant in the Brain*](https://nateliason.com/notes/elephant-in-brain?ref=antoinebuteau.com)
5. **On laughter:** "Laughter functions as a play signal indicating that a boundary violation is safe and is not a genuine threat." — [*Source: The Elephant in the Brain*](https://jonosanders.com/?ref=antoinebuteau.com)
6. **On self-promotion:** "People constantly self-promote through subtle indirect signals rather than outright boasting to avoid triggering social penalties." — [*Source: The Elephant in the Brain*](https://nateliason.com/notes/elephant-in-brain?ref=antoinebuteau.com)
7. **On conversational dominance:** "Interruption and talking time act as subconscious negotiations of social hierarchy rather than attempts to reach the truth." — [*Source: The Elephant in the Brain*](https://cameronchardukian.com/?ref=antoinebuteau.com)
8. **On information sharing:** "When people share news, they are signaling their access to valuable information networks rather than merely informing others." — [*Source: The Elephant in the Brain*](https://sive.rs/?ref=antoinebuteau.com)
9. **On the handicap principle:** "Humans engage in costly signaling to prove the authenticity of their social traits." — [*Source: The Elephant in the Brain*](https://jonosanders.com/?ref=antoinebuteau.com)

### Part 7: Advertising, Economics, and Consumer Behavior

1. **On the true nature of ads:** "Rather than attempting to persuade us via our rational, analytical minds, ads prey on our emotions." — [*Source: Melting Asphalt*](https://glasp.co/?ref=antoinebuteau.com)
2. **On creating associations:** "Advertising works by creating positive associations between the advertised product and feelings like love, happiness, safety, and sexual confidence." — [*Source: Melting Asphalt*](https://glasp.co/?ref=antoinebuteau.com)
3. **On the function of money:** "Simler treats money as more than a neutral exchange tool: it also condenses social prestige and sits inside broader systems of coordination." — [*Reference: A Natural History of Beauty*](https://meltingasphalt.com/a-natural-history-of-beauty/?ref=antoinebuteau.com)
4. **On consumerism:** "People buy products to signal their traits to others even if they consciously believe they are buying them for their utility." — [*Source: The Elephant in the Brain*](https://sive.rs/?ref=antoinebuteau.com)
5. **On cultural signaling in advertising:** "Advertising works by creating a shared cultural knowledge that a specific product is associated with a specific desirable trait." — [*Source: Melting Asphalt*](https://meltingasphalt.com/?ref=antoinebuteau.com)
6. **On the startup culture:** "Simler treats startups as frontier communities shaped by exploration, risk-taking, solidarity, and constant pressure against bureaucracy and status stratification." — [*Reference: Startups Are Frontier Communities*](https://meltingasphalt.com/startups-are-frontier-communities/?ref=antoinebuteau.com)
7. **On charitable giving:** "People prefer to give to charities that are highly visible and emotionally salient rather than those that are statistically the most effective." — [*Source: The Elephant in the Brain*](https://nateliason.com/notes/elephant-in-brain?ref=antoinebuteau.com)
8. **On economic behavior:** "Economic decisions are heavily distorted by the need to maintain self-image and reputation among peers." — [*Source: The Elephant in the Brain*](https://cameronchardukian.com/?ref=antoinebuteau.com)
9. **On the illusion of rationality:** "People invent rational-sounding economic justifications for decisions they made based on subconscious social drives." — [*Source: The Elephant in the Brain*](https://jonosanders.com/?ref=antoinebuteau.com)

### Part 8: Epistemology, Philosophy, and System Design

1. **On two types of thinkers:** "Simler draws on Alan Watts to describe two philosophical temperaments: the prickly and the gooey." — [*Source: Prickles and Goo*](https://pricklesandgoo.com/?ref=antoinebuteau.com)
2. **On the prickly approach:** "The prickly mindset is precise, rigorous, and logical. It breaks the world down into distinct analyzable parts." — [*Source: Prickles and Goo*](https://pricklesandgoo.com/?ref=antoinebuteau.com)
3. **On the gooey approach:** "The gooey mindset is vague and emphasizes the interconnected seamless nature of reality." — [*Source: Prickles and Goo*](https://pricklesandgoo.com/?ref=antoinebuteau.com)
4. **On the necessity of both:** "A complete understanding of the world requires balancing the sharp distinctions of the prickly with the continuous reality of the goo." — [*Source: Prickles and Goo*](https://pricklesandgoo.com/?ref=antoinebuteau.com)
5. **On philosophical divides:** "Many intellectual debates are fundamentally clashes between prickly and gooey temperaments rather than disagreements over facts." — [*Source: Prickles and Goo*](https://pricklesandgoo.com/?ref=antoinebuteau.com)
6. **On exploring the frontier:** "Simler argues that frontier work demands exploration under uncertainty, courageous action, and a willingness to leave safe, settled ground." — [*Reference: Startups Are Frontier Communities*](https://meltingasphalt.com/startups-are-frontier-communities/?ref=antoinebuteau.com)
7. **On intellectual honesty:** "Acknowledging the elephant in the brain is the first step toward genuine intellectual honesty." — [*Source: The Elephant in the Brain*](https://nateliason.com/notes/elephant-in-brain?ref=antoinebuteau.com)
8. **On understanding systems:** "Humans often fail to understand complex systems because they take people's stated motives at face value." — [*Source: The Elephant in the Brain*](https://sive.rs/?ref=antoinebuteau.com)
9. **On the limits of introspection:** "Introspection is an unreliable tool for discovering the true causes of our own behavior." — [*Source: The Elephant in the Brain*](https://cameronchardukian.com/?ref=antoinebuteau.com)
10. **On the goal of awareness:** "By confronting hidden motives, humans can design better institutions that account for how people actually behave rather than how they pretend to behave." — [*Source: The Elephant in the Brain*](https://jonosanders.com/?ref=antoinebuteau.com)