Lessons from Guy Sengstock

Guy Sengstock, the founder of the Circling practice, has been a pivotal figure in the authentic relating movement. His teachings, often delivered through workshops, interviews, and the Circling Institute he co-founded, have inspired many to seek deeper and more meaningful connections with themselves and others.

These quotes and learnings encapsulate his philosophy on communication, vulnerability, and the power of being present with one another. They offer a glimpse into the transformative potential of Circling and authentic relating.

On the Nature of Circling

The practice of Circling, developed by Guy Sengstock, is a form of relational meditation aimed at fostering profound connections through present-moment awareness.

“Circling is a relational practice that fosters deeper, more meaningful connections with ourselves and others.” This foundational definition highlights the dual benefit of the practice: enhancing both self-awareness and interpersonal relationships.[1]
"Circling brings us to the knife’s edge of the present moment." This evocative description emphasizes the practice's focus on immediate experience, moving away from past stories or future anxieties.[1]
“Circling can also be understood as an interpersonal mindfulness practice that calls us to be simultaneously present with our experience and the experience of others.” This learning frames Circling within the popular concept of mindfulness but gives it a relational dimension.[1]
"Circling is designed to cut through the crust of superficiality and alienation that attend so many interpersonal encounters, and drop people into the deeper waters of connection." This quote speaks to the intention behind Circling to move beyond surface-level interactions.[2]
The goal of Circling is for a group to see the world through your eyes. This highlights the deep empathy and understanding that the practice aims to cultivate.[2]
"Circling involves as much unlearning of communication skills as learning them." This suggests that many of our habitual ways of communicating can be barriers to true connection.[2]
“The primary purpose of the Circling® Approach... is the transformation of your way of being through authentic relating.” This points to the profound and lasting impact the practice can have on an individual's way of life.[3]
"Circling is a powerful therapeutic practice that promotes emotional growth and healing." While not therapy in the traditional sense, this learning acknowledges its significant therapeutic benefits.[4]
"Circling provides individuals with a safe space to express themselves without judgment or fear of rejection." The creation of a safe and accepting environment is a cornerstone of the practice.[4]
"I sometimes think about it like if you took all of the profound life-changing conversations that you've ever had... and you've found the through line through all of them and then turn them into asanas right like yoga."This analogy powerfully illustrates the structured yet deeply personal nature of Circling.
"circling is the rebellion of the collapsed communication." This quote positions Circling as a response to the perceived decline in meaningful communication in modern society.[5]

On Vulnerability and Authenticity

A central theme in Sengstock's work is the power of vulnerability as a gateway to genuine connection and self-acceptance.

"Vulnerability is essential for authentic sharing and connection in the Circling Method." This statement places vulnerability at the heart of the practice.[6]
"Vulnerability is invulnerable." This paradoxical statement invites a deeper contemplation of the strength found in openness.
"If you don't reveal the truth about what's going on for you in a relationship, then there's no relationship."This quote underscores the necessity of truth and openness for any real relationship to exist.[7]
"A vulnerability becomes an ability in and through genuine relationships." This learning reframes vulnerability from a weakness to a source of strength and connection.[7]
"The practice of Authentic Relating is to interact with people with the assumption that they want to belong, to be valued and cared of, and to be acknowledged for their contributions." This provides a practical and compassionate framework for engaging with others authentically.[8]
"Whenever I reveal myself and my own experience—I disclose myself and my own experience—authentically, it's really opening up to the unknown and not having control." This highlights the courage and surrender involved in authentic self-expression.[7]

On Connection and "We-Space"

Sengstock's teachings often refer to the "we-space," the shared relational field that emerges when individuals are truly present with each other.

"Connection is at the heart of the Circling Method." This simple yet profound statement emphasizes the ultimate goal of the practice.[6]
"we space”—the relational field that exists between people." This term, central to Circling, gives a name to the often-unseen dimension of human interaction.[2]
“The deepest way you can love someone is to be willing to FULLY go on their ride. To listen to them so deeply & so fully that you are willing to be changed, affected, impacted, even hurt – by your receiving of them.” This powerful quote offers a radical definition of love as a willingness to be transformed by another's experience.[9]
“I believe: the deepest way you can love somebody is to be willing to FULLY go on their ride. To listen to them so deeply that - through your listening - they gain deeper insight into their own experience.” A slight variation on the previous quote, this emphasizes the gift of deep listening to the speaker.
"intimacy is... a function of your ability to tolerate anxiety." This learning provides a counterintuitive yet insightful perspective on the challenges and rewards of deep connection.[10]
"Sharing impact is fundamental to the process of connection." "Sharing impact" is a key Circling practice of letting someone know how their words or actions are affecting you in the moment.

On Listening and Presence

Deep, non-judgmental listening and being fully present are foundational skills in Circling and authentic relating.

"The moment you hear from yourself that you don’t listen or aren’t listening is the moment that listening is there." This quote offers a way to cultivate greater awareness of the quality of one's listening.[7]
"What was most original to circling was enacting a deep, phenomenological listening. A Listening willing to undo my understanding. Not listening as an empty, receptive vessel, but listening as an ontological midwifery where all involved hearkened the world anew, permeable to be struck and moved by the world as it really exists. That listening is the essence of the kinds of conversations which the linguistic-self-loop simply can’t survive." This dense and poetic quote offers a profound insight into the transformative power of a particular quality of listening.
"Mindfulness is a key component of the Circling Method." This connects the practice to the broader field of mindfulness, making it more accessible to a wider audience.[6]
"Non-verbal communication can often convey emotions more accurately than verbal communication alone."This learning encourages a holistic approach to communication, paying attention to the body and other non-verbal cues.[4]
"To “follow your aliveness” means to stay close to your truth in relation to yourself and to other people."This is a key instruction in Circling for what to pay attention to in the present moment.

On Self-Perception and Transformation

Sengstock's work often touches on the nature of self and the potential for profound personal growth.

"You will always outlive my concept of you. And I will always have a concept for you to outlive." This quote speaks to the limitations of our concepts of others and the ever-present potential for them to surprise and transcend our expectations.
"I am someone who will truly see who you are in a way that perhaps no one ever has in your entire life." This bold statement reflects the profound level of presence and acceptance that Sengstock and the practice of Circling aspire to offer.[11]
"I am someone who can sit next to a stranger and have a conversation with them such that the stranger walks away living inside a completely different world." This speaks to the transformative power of a single, deeply connected conversation.[11]
"I am someone who pays attention in such a way that will allow you and I to see and hear those things which have always been present yet have never occurred to you." This highlights the revelatory nature of deep attention.[11]
"I wake up in the morning with an insatiable craving and thirst to discover the source of life's novelty." This personal reflection reveals the deep curiosity and wonder that fuel his work.[11]
"Circling holds immense potential for personal and collective transformation." This learning points to the broader societal implications of this relational practice.[1]
"We practice these relational asanas not so that we can become good Circlers, but so we may have more genuine connection." This emphasizes that the practice is a means to an end: deeper connection in all of life.
"Circling cuts through self-judgment or rumination by continually revealing the truth of each other’s experience at a pace the other can orient to." This speaks to the power of relational reflection in overcoming negative self-talk.

Further Learnings and Perspectives

The experience of being seen and accepted for who we really are... is one of the most satisfying of all human experiences. This captures a fundamental human need that Circling aims to meet.
Circling is developmental. Ultimately, Circling is a training in human relationships and in self-love. This frames the practice as a path of ongoing growth.
Circling is a global movement for creating a better society. This speaks to the vision of a more connected and compassionate world through the spread of these practices.
"There is no place to get to but more here." This concise and powerful quote, sometimes attributed to Decker Cunov who was influenced by and worked with Sengstock, encapsulates the essence of present-moment awareness in Circling.
The idea of Authentic Relating is to respond to people from an assumption that everyone desires, at some level, to love and be loved, to know and be known, to belong. This provides a foundational principle for how to approach interactions with others.[8]
Circling is the invitation to bring more of ourselves into interaction with people, to stop cloaking our humanity or pretending to be something different than who we really are. This invitation is at the core of the practice.
Vulnerability is beautiful and vulnerability is necessary to make other people comfortable in your presence, because in humans vulnerability is inevitable. This reframes vulnerability as not only courageous but also a generous act.
A vulnerability you're not ashamed of... that's no vulnerability at all. It's just one of your abilities. This learning encourages the integration of all parts of oneself.
To me, authenticity is about cultivating a congruency between our internal state and our external presentation. This provides a clear and actionable definition of authenticity.
The original inspiration/discovery of circling wasn't “saying the truth,” or “revealing oneself,” or any cult of vulnerability kind of stuff. What was most original to circling was enacting a deep, phenomenological listening. This clarifies a common misconception about the practice.
Listening and validating someone's perspective can feel like death to your ego. Listening is vulnerable. This speaks to the challenge and transformative potential of deep listening.
"To “follow your aliveness” means to stay close to your truth in relation to yourself and to other people."This provides a simple yet profound guide for navigating the present moment in relationship.
The experience of being seen and accepted for who we really are... is one of the most satisfying of all human experiences. This learning reinforces the fundamental human need for connection and acceptance.
"Circling is developmental. Ultimately, Circling is a training in human relationships and in self-love." This final learning encapsulates the broad and deep impact that the practice of Circling can have.

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