The Inner Game of Leadership: Top 50 Quotes and Learnings from Regina Gerbeaux

Regina Gerbeaux, a highly respected executive coach and former colleague of renowned coach Matt Mochary, has become a pivotal figure in shaping the leadership of high-growth technology companies. With a deep background in psychology and organizational behavior, her coaching philosophy centers on the idea that the greatest leverage for a founder lies in mastering their own inner landscape. She focuses on clearing emotional triggers, fostering radical self-awareness, and building conscious leadership from the inside out.

While Regina primarily works one-on-one rather than through public keynotes, her insights can be found in a variety of in-depth podcast interviews and articles. Here are 50 of her top quotes and learnings that capture her unique and impactful approach to coaching.

On Founder Psychology and Self-Awareness

Direct Quotes:

  1. "The company is a reflection of the founder's consciousness."
  2. "Your triggers are your greatest teachers. They're pointing you to the work you need to do."
  3. "Most founders are running away from a feeling. The company becomes a giant, complex strategy to not feel that feeling."
  4. "The question is not 'how do I get rid of this fear?' The question is 'what is this fear here to teach me?'"
  5. "Imposter syndrome is often a sign that you're in the right room. It means you're stretching yourself."
  6. "You can't out-strategize a wound you don't know you have."
  7. "The personality that got you from 0 to 1 is often the personality that will get in the way of going from 1 to 100."
  8. "Your zone of genius is not just what you're good at. It's the work that energizes you."
  9. "We're not trying to eliminate the ego. We're trying to integrate it, to make it a helpful partner rather than the driver of the car."
  10. "The moment you think you have it all figured out is the moment you're in the most danger as a leader."

Key Learnings:

  1. Your Company is a Mirror: Gerbeaux’s core tenet is that any dysfunction in the company—whether in communication, culture, or execution—can almost always be traced back to the founder's own unresolved issues, fears, and blind spots. (Source: The Logan Bartlett Show, "The Coach to the World's Top Founders")
  2. "Do the Work" on Your Triggers: A trigger is an emotional reaction that is disproportionate to the present situation. She teaches founders to see these moments not as annoyances, but as a map to their own unhealed wounds. By addressing the root cause, they can stop reacting and start leading consciously. (Source: My First Million Podcast, "The Secret Coach Behind The World's Top Founders")
  3. Identify Your "Upper Limit Problem": Many founders unconsciously sabotage their success because they have a limited tolerance for feeling good or powerful. Gerbeaux helps them identify and expand this upper limit to sustain growth. (Source: The Pomp Podcast, "#1122 Regina Gerbeaux On Coaching The Best Founders In The World")
  4. Separate Fact from Story: A huge part of her coaching is helping leaders distinguish between the objective facts of a situation and the subjective, often negative, story they are telling themselves about it. This creates the space needed for clear decision-making. (Source: CoachingFounder.com)
  5. Understand Your "Default State": Every leader has a default emotional state they revert to under stress (e.g., anxiety, anger, avoidance). Becoming aware of this default is the first step toward choosing a more resourceful response. (Source: The Logan Bartlett Show)

On Leadership, Team, and Culture

Direct Quotes:

  1. "Leadership is not about having the right answers. It's about asking the right questions."
  2. "A founder's primary job is to manage their own energy. Your team feels everything you feel."
  3. "You can't have a culture of feedback if the founder is the most defensive person in the room."
  4. "Vulnerability is the birthplace of trust. It's not a weakness; it's a prerequisite for a high-performing team."
  5. "Clarity is kindness. Ambiguity is cruel."
  6. "Your job as a leader is to create a psychologically safe container for your team to do their best work."
  7. "Stop trying to be a 'wartime CEO' or a 'peacetime CEO.' Just be an authentic CEO."
  8. "The standard you walk past is the standard you accept."
  9. "Hire for conscious leadership, not just competence. A brilliant jerk will destroy your culture."
  10. "Great leaders absorb fear and exude calm."

Key Learnings:

  1. Your Energy is Contagious: A founder's emotional state sets the tone for the entire organization. If the founder is anxious, the company will be anxious. She coaches founders to become masters of their own energy as their most critical leadership tool. (Source: My First Million Podcast)
  2. Psychological Safety is a Performance Multiplier: Gerbeaux is a strong advocate for creating environments where team members feel safe to speak up, admit mistakes, and be vulnerable. She argues that this isn't "soft stuff"—it's the foundation of speed, innovation, and resilience. (Source: The Pomp Podcast)
  3. Master the Art of "Clean" Communication: This involves communicating without blame, judgment, or unresolved emotional energy. It requires taking responsibility for one's own feelings and stating needs and observations clearly and directly. (Source: CoachingFounder.com)
  4. Lead with Questions, Not Answers: Her coaching encourages leaders to shift from being the chief problem-solver to being the chief question-asker. This empowers the team to think for themselves and builds a culture of ownership. (Source: The Logan Bartlett Show)
  5. Feedback is About the Future, Not the Past: Effective feedback is not about criticizing past actions; it's about creating a better future outcome. The goal is to make the other person successful, and the feedback should be delivered with that intent. (Source: My First Million Podcast)

On Co-Founder Relationships

Direct Quotes:

  1. "The co-founder relationship is the bedrock of the company. If it's cracked, the whole house will eventually crumble."
  2. "Most co-founder conflicts are not about the business. They're about unmet personal needs."
  3. "You need to have a co-founder therapy session on a regular basis, even when things are good."
  4. "Unspoken expectations are premeditated resentments."
  5. "You have to be able to separate the person from the problem."
  6. "The goal is not to avoid conflict. The goal is to get good at conflict."

Key Learnings:

  1. Treat the Co-Founder Relationship Like a Marriage: It requires constant communication, explicit agreements, and a shared process for navigating conflict. Gerbeaux often acts as a therapist or mediator to help founders establish these healthy dynamics. (Source: The Pomp Podcast)
  2. Surface the Unspoken: A primary cause of co-founder conflict is a mismatch in unspoken expectations, values, or personal needs. She facilitates conversations to get these assumptions out in the open before they turn into resentment. (Source: CoachingFounder.com)
  3. Learn to "Fight Clean": Conflict is inevitable and healthy. The key is to have rules of engagement: no personal attacks, stick to the facts, listen to understand (not to rebut), and aim for a resolution, not to "win." (Source: The Logan Bartlett Show)
  4. Clarify Roles with Radical Specificity: Overlap in roles and responsibilities is a major source of tension. She works with founders to explicitly define who is responsible for what, creating clear lanes of ownership. (Source: My First Million Podcast)

On Coaching and Personal Growth

Direct Quotes:

  1. "My job is to hold up a mirror and help you see what you can't see."
  2. "I don't give advice. I help you find your own answers."
  3. "The goal of coaching is to make myself obsolete."
  4. "You can't read a book to solve an emotional problem."
  5. "Growth happens at the edge of your comfort zone."
  6. "The work is never done. There's always another layer of the onion to peel back."
  7. "You are not your thoughts. You are the observer of your thoughts."
  8. "Be kind to yourself. You're a human being, not a human doing."
  9. "The most powerful question is often the simplest one: 'What are you feeling right now?'"
  10. "Awareness is the first step. But the real change comes from making a different choice in the moment."