Lessons from Dr Julie Gurner

On Mindset and Self-Belief

On Crowning Yourself: "Do not wait for a coronation. The greatest Emperors Crown themselves this has never been more true you get to decide." [2] This concept encourages taking control of your own destiny and defining your own success. [2]
Internal vs. External Reference: Successful people "don't really look outside of themselves to see what they can do they know internally. And they reference internally what they feel they are capable of and they can really stand in that." [2]
The Power of Self-Talk: "You can be your own biggest critic and drag yourself into the mud. Or you can be your own kind of hype beast. And get yourself back in the game." [3][4]
Mindset as the Ultimate Lever: "Mindset is really the ultimate performance lever because...you have to be the person that thinks that they can learn it that has a self-belief." [3]
Rewriting Your Narrative: "I want them to rewrite that narrative to survivorship and overcoming and what it took and you ask the right questions to get them to see...their own throughway." [5]
Embracing a "Solver" Mentality: In the face of failure, successful people have a "solver mindset there's a way of like I can figure this out like I didn't get it this time but I can figure it out." [4]
The Danger of Downward Comparison: "Downward comparison is kind of that death nail of mediocrity you'll kind of stay where you're at because you're always going to be better than somebody else." [6]
The Importance of High Standards: "Without setting a bar, you will be strapped with frustration – always staying smaller than you are capable of – and life will often have more agitation." [7]
Unreasonably High Standards as a Filter: "Having those standards gives you a filter and I think that's the most important aspect of them honestly." [6]
Your Business Is Not Your Identity: "It's very useful to see business or things that you care deeply about [as] the things that you do, not who you are." [8] This detachment provides objectivity in decision-making. [9]

On High Performance and Success

Discipline vs. Motivation: "Discipline requires a lot of push...Motivation is a pull it is something that like is internal that fuels you that drives you." [5][10]
Obsession Over Discipline: "Great people are obsessed and they're not slogging through either they are driven they are motivated. they are deeply deeply engaged." [5]
Success as a Game of Energy: "Success is a game of energy and so if that's true the people who are obsessed they have endless energy toward that thing." [3]
The "All-In" Mentality: "The exceptional positions...come from people who have these go all in on them...everything they have is kind of centered on this goal." [11]
Using Negative Emotions as Fuel: "There is no more powerful energy than anger or rage or humiliation...channeled properly there's really very little that can beat you." [6][12]
Bias to Action: A key trait of successful founders is a "bias to action," being proactive rather than reactive. [9]
The Importance of Execution: "That person is doing so well and they're not not as smart as I am they're not as creative or talented as I am but what they have is execution." [6]
Fighting Up Front: "The notion of fighting upfront is [that] if you do it right, it shouldn't be a fight. It should be something that you address early, as quickly as possible." [2][8]
The Power of Boredom: Dr. Gurner suggests that there are "secret advantages you can unlock through boredom," a state that can foster creativity and deep thinking. [6]
Reverse Engineering Success: "Is there a pattern of thought, behavior, and action that threads through the top 1% in a given field? Can absolute success be reverse engineered? I think so." [13]

On Challenging Conventional Wisdom

Breaking Imaginary Rules: "There are imaginary rules that everybody lives by. It shapes their world, what they try for and what they think…Most people are capable of far more than they imagine themselves to be." [10]
'Be Humble' Can Be Terrible Advice: In the age of social media, "Keeping your head down only serves your competition." [6]
The Fallacy of "Opposites Attract": "What we know from research is that similarities stay together. so you want somebody who is as similar to you in kind of almost any variable you can think of." [12]
Don't Lower Your Expectations to Be Happy: "If you want to be happy don't have expectations. and I think that's a really good way to be unhappy for the rest of your life because people if you don't have expectations. there you will just put up with everything." [14]
"How You Do One Thing is How You Do Everything" is a Myth: "You will find that some people are incredibly high achievers...[in one area and not others]." [6]
Niceness is Overrated: "Nice people don't have hard conversations cuz it's not nice to do that." [9]
The Problem with Psychological Tests: Dr. Gurner has noted that many psychological tests can be flawed in their application to high-stakes executive coaching. [9]
The Limits of Stoicism: Dr. Gurner discusses the "fallacy of Stoicism," suggesting that a purely stoic approach may not be the most effective for high performers. [3]
Social Validation is Not the Goal: "Most people will fear failure not because it's failure. but because of other people seeing them fail." [9]

On Relationships and Communication

The Importance of Your Life Partner: The person you "spend your life with is one of the most important decisions of your life...this person is going to determine. not only a lot of your personal happiness. but they're going to determine a lot of your fiscal. success." [12]
Caring Deeply, Challenging Directly: This is a cornerstone of her coaching philosophy, emphasizing that "People can take hard feedback from people that they know are in their corner." [8]
Framing Feedback as Opportunity: "I try to frame things always as opportunities, challenges, ways in which people can level up or improve in some fashion." [8][14]
The "Us vs. The Problem" Approach: When delivering difficult feedback, she advises, "I'm pulling you to my side of the table and it's us together versus this problem." [8][14]
Setting Boundaries is Crucial: "Setting boundaries is crucial for personal and professional growth." [15]
Curating Your Inner Circle: The people you surround yourself with have a significant impact on your trajectory. [8]
Ending Toxic Relationships: Being "able to be candid about some of those things is really important and usually people are pretty. okay taking that hint." [14]
The Power of Community: "Community is everything people want to help each other." [16]
Marry a Whole, Mature Person: Avoid partners who play games or are unsure of what they want. [12]
Be Honest About Your Life Vision in Dating: "You want to be sure that you're giving people the honest. take about what you want your life to look. like." [12]

On Action and Growth

Take it on as a Challenge: Instead of viewing difficult circumstances as setbacks, "take it on as a challenge knock them out of the water." [2]
The Importance of Self-Awareness: "Knowing who you are and being brave enough to really look internally...is where you know it's hard to find that kind of direction." [17]
Find Your Highest Leverage Point: "The thing that you will be highest leverage in and your highest. and best use is where you want to sit all the time as a business owner." [16]
Embrace Experimentation, but Stay Focused: "Try your best at one and then let it go if it's no longer the right place for you." [7]
Progress is the Product: "People pay for progress. You can throw a bunch of 'stuff' at them all you want, but if you're not giving them a clear path to make that progress, they're eventually going to leave." [7]
Give Yourself the Opportunity to Try: "Whatever it is that you want to try to challenge. please give yourself the opportunity to try." [9]
Don't Be Afraid to Start Over: "Even very successful people go to zero. sometimes sometimes they have massive losses." [3]
Resourcefulness is Key: Growing up on a farm taught her that "there is no can't figure it out you have to figure out. everything." [2]
Patience in the Long-Term, Impatience in the Short-Term: "There's a lot of impatience. uh on the short term and patience in the long term. and you have to be able to put those two things. together." [11]
This is Not a Rehearsal: A reminder to live with intention and urgency. [9]

Learn more:

Lessons from Dr Julie Gurner

On Mindset and Self-Belief

On High Performance and Success

On Challenging Conventional Wisdom

On Relationships and Communication

On Action and Growth

Written by Antoine Buteau

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